Companionship is one of life’s most rewarding experiences.
Nothing compares to sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with someone else, to being truly seen and known, to sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or imagination.
Our hearts are filled with intimacy, and we are no longer lonely.
Why would anyone be afraid of intimacy if this is the case?
People are afraid of intimacy, not intimacy itself. People would have no fear of intimacy if they could be certain that it would continue to be a pleasant experience. They are afraid of being hurt as a result of being intimate with another person.
Many people are afraid of two things: rejection and engulfment. Rejection is the fear of losing the other person, while engulfment is the fear of being invaded, dominated, and losing oneself.
Since we’ve all learned to react to conflict with a variety of controlling behaviors ranging from rage and blame to obedience, withdrawal, and resistance, every relationship involves feelings of rejection and engulfment.
If one person becomes enraged, the other may feel rejected or dominated, leading them to become enraged, give up, withdraw, or resist. If one person shuts down, the other will feel excluded and judged, triggering the other’s fears of engulfment, and so on.
Every partnership has these protective circles in some form or another. When the fear of rejection and engulfment becomes too great, a person can decide that being in a relationship is simply too painful and avoid intimacy entirely.
Avoiding relationships, on the other hand, leads to depression and a lack of emotional and spiritual growth. If we embrace this challenge, relationships provide us with the most strong arena for personal development. So, what motivates us to overcome our fear of intimacy?
Fear occurs not because of the experience, but because a person does not know how to deal with circumstances in which they are rejected or monitored. The key to overcoming our fear of intimacy is to cultivate a strong caring adult part of ourselves that learns to not take rejection personally and to set appropriate boundaries against engulfment.
We can no longer take rejection personally until we begin to take full responsibility for deciding our own worth rather than blaming our feelings of worth on others’ love and approval. This doesn’t mean we’ll like rejection; it just means we won’t be scared of it or feel compelled to stop it.
We would no longer be afraid of losing ourselves in a relationship if we learn to speak up for ourselves and not allow others to invade, smother, dominate, and influence us.
Many people would give themselves up in the hopes of manipulating how the other person thinks towards them, fearful of losing the other person. They assume that if they fulfill the demands of another, the other will love them.
However, losing one’s identity is frightening, and many people avoid relationships because of this fear. The fear would vanish if they learned to determine their own worth and stand up for themselves.
The Inner Bonding mechanism that we teach is designed to help you develop a strong inner adult self capable of not taking rejection personally and setting boundaries against self-destruction. Anyone will study this six-step technique and use it to overcome their fears of intimacy through practice.
You learn to respect and cherish who you really are by practicing the Inner Bonding method, and you take full responsibility for your own feelings of worth, lovability, protection, comfort, pain, and joy.
When you have high regard for yourself, you will not take rejection personally and will become non-reactive to it. When you respect yourself, you will not sacrifice yourself in order to exert power over someone else’s feelings toward you. When you love yourself, you’d rather lose someone else than lose yourself.
By downloading our Free Inner Bonding Course, you can begin learning the powerful Inner Bonding process right away. Moving beyond your fears of intimacy will enable you to experience the profound personal and spiritual development, as well as the profound fulfillment and joy, that loving relationships can bring.
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